you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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