my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
