I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
