just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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