It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
