there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
PANTIES FOUND
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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