i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
