so explain again why im purple
no
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize