i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
