I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
