i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
