It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
