Need sex. Gaining weight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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