mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
