I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
