and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
