a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
