The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
