You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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