does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
