Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
