weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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