M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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