fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
