My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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