so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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