____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
