goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
