Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
