Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we're so committed to being not committed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am mentally ready for anal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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