i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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