dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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