Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
