All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
