she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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