my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
