So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
