I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
