it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
