Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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