I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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