Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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