I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
