While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
