i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
