Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
