I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
