Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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