You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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