I wish I could teleport
I love black thongs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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