Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
