I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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