Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
