it wasn't lemon gatorade
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
